remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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