In the future we'll all be gay
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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