i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
