I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
