I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
