I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize