I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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