her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
