Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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