I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
