Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
