that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
