I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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