He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
