very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
There are leaves in my underwear?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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