swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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