Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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