Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
