If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize