so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
