Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
