2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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