Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
