please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
