ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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