I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
