Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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