We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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