Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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