apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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