Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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