I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
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