Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
