Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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