When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
