Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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