Define "chronic" masturbator.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
