this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
