If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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