Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I want a musical about memes.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
