...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
