Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
