Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
