Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
