The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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