I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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