Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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