so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
