Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
