The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I understand Curling. That high.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
