Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
