i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
