my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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