Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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