Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I AM VODKA MAN
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
