he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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