can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
