her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
