omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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