Buhtt sex?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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