My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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