We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
