Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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