It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
