nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
