Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
