dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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