Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
